


Waiting for a Change to Come

by madtransscientist



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender Dysphoria, Hopeful Ending, M/M, No Spoilers, Titan Eren Yeager, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, ftm Eren, teens n up rated because levi cant watch his fucking language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 07:53:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7258966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madtransscientist/pseuds/madtransscientist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since Eren first transformed and found his Titan body was that of a male, it has become all he's looking forward to anymore. When the dysphoria at one point hits far too hard, into his Titan is the only place he finds that he can go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting for a Change to Come

**Author's Note:**

> my reason for this is that i was rewatching SNK and this idea suddenly hit me in the midst of the scene when Eren comes out of his Titan's nape and it got so stuck with me i had to write a short oneshot exploring this idea more and into which i could pour out my headcanons and be disgustingly self-indulgent. and at the same time involve some eren/levi interaction because i've never written them before.
> 
> (this isn't set at any particular time, just as long as you're aware that if anything it's somewhere in between the first arc and the female titan arc.)
> 
> as always, if you find any mistakes please do not hesitate to bring them to my attention. thank you. trans titan!eren is very very important folks and i hope you enjoy this because i really loved writing it.

His skin is itching— _feels wrong_ —and his ribs hurting, blood pulsing hot and loud through his veins. He can’t see anything, isn’t aware of anything but his arms crossed over his chest pressing more tightly against himself. He can’t feel it hurting him, he can only feel those soft lumps that _aren’t supposed to be there_ , but somehow it only feels as though they’re growing bigger, more prominent underneath his shirt even with his arms pressing against them. _It’s wrong, they’re wrong, I’m wrong._ The itching beneath his skin grows worse, and it’s getting harder to breathe. He needs to _do something_ — 

“—ren?”

“Oi, brat, are you listening?”

Eren blinks, and once his vision clears he’s met with the sight of a concerned Armin and an agitated Captain Levi, the latter with his arms crossed and eyebrows pinched in a scowl. Behind them he can see Major Hange and Mikasa and the rest of his friends, all of their eyes resting on him. _Boring into him_.

He presses harder against his chest.

“Y-yeah, I’m listening, I just—” He swallows, chest constricting as it grows harder to breathe, struggling to hear himself over the loud beating of his heart, but trying not to let it show. His gaze flicks from side to side, pointedly not meeting anyone’s gaze and desperately trying to think of something that can get him out of there.

“Eren…“ Armin’s low, soft and understanding voice fails to catch his full attention this time, fails to soothe him and gently pry him out of his anxiety.

“Sorry, I gotta— Gotta go g-get some air, yeah? Go on without me, I’ll be back soon!” He starts walking with quick steps away from the group, waving over his shoulder without looking back. He can’t get out of the room quick enough, and when he pushes the door closed behind him he hears another faint, “Eren!” in protest, probably from Mikasa, but ignores it in favour of running toward the nearest exit out of the castle.

Once outside, he half-jogs away from the castle, dreading the possible sound of footsteps behind him that luckily doesn’t come, making his way across the courtyard toward— toward _somewhere_. He needs peace and quiet, somewhere that can shelter him somewhat, keep him isolated, outside the castle’s line of sight. He knows he isn’t allowed, but with his mind being mostly white noise for the moment it doesn’t quite catch up to him. He’s only moving on instinct.

Despite being alone now, and outside where the air seems less heavy and less difficult to force down his lungs, in his quick pace the weight of his chest only grows more clear, and it sure keeps his anxiety from calming the fuck down. There’s an urge to run—to outrun the feeling, the _weight_ —but knowing it will make his breasts bounce more, having refused to wear anything else but something to bind his chest with—which he couldn’t—this morning, he refrains.

Gulping, he wraps his arms around his torso, over his chest, and quickens the pace as his thoughts drift to the binder left in his closet he’s under strict orders not to wear for a couple of days.

Captain Levi had personally forbidden him from binding and Eren wants to be angry at him for it, but after having nearly passed out he can’t really put it past his captain for doing so. The captain had walked in on him in the midst of his cleaning duty, but instead of cleaning had found him gasping for air and with his vision swimming. He’d caught him just in time before he’d toppled to the floor. After having helped Eren out of the binder—with his permission, of course—he’d made sure to give the younger boy a proper scolding for _wearing it for too long_ again _dammit, do you_ want _your fucking lungs to be punctured by your ribs because if that’s the case, brat, I can make that happen and it’ll be a quicker process than this fucking torture_ — No, _Eren, I don’t care that you’re a fucking titan, you’re hurting yourself and it’s interfering whether you like it or not._

Eren had been scolded for binding for too long before, but apparently this had been the last straw for Levi, having had it with seeing his subordinate fail at taking care of himself. Eren is from now on to take a break from binding his chest until his apparently very bruised ribs have healed. Normally this wouldn’t phase Eren much thanks to his Titan abilities, but considering it is damage that has been caused continuously and increased gradually—but significantly—within the span of many weeks, it’s more severe and will take longer to heal.

The thought of having to withstand _this_ for much longer has his eyes stinging and throat closing up. He can’t even stand it for _one more second_.

Fortunately, when he looks around he finds himself by a grove, way outside the castle’s limits, he figures he might not need to. He grows more aware of the fact that he’s not allowed to be here, especially not without supervision, and he’s going to get in trouble, surely—however, when he brings his thumb in between his teeth that isn’t something he can find within himself to care about. He only needs to get out of his own skin, _the wrong skin_ , some way.

Biting down harshly, he closes his eyes against the flash of light. He’s enveloped in complete darkness, and it takes a few seconds before he inhales complete awareness and blinks against the brightness from under his suddenly long bangs. He stands frozen, slightly hunched over, taking his time familiarising himself with his new, right body again.

He works his fingers, letting them twitch by his sides. Then he inhales deeply, finding it to be much easier suddenly, tilts his head back and lets out the breath again, producing a thick cloud of steam as he does. He feels calm again.

His Titan has always been the ultimate place into which he can go and feel _less stuck_ and more free, ironically enough. Ever since after the first time he’d consciously transformed and he’d discovered his Titan form’s flat chest and all of its generally _male_ appearance, he’d always felt a strange sort of safe and calm as a titan. He’d wanted to transform just to _be_ in the body made for him, but of course, never having the real freedom to do so. He still doesn’t, really, but Major Hange seems to get it, and is happy to accommodate him with their experiments and performing them as often as possible.

They’ll even let him stay in his Titan form for a while after the experiments are finished, for which Eren is extremely grateful. He knows they’re mainly bending the rules for him, but he also knows they’re more than happy to watch Eren as a titan and study him outside of their main experiments. And he’s happy to accommodate _them_ , as well, having gotten so used to Hange’s enthusiasm he finds it quite endearing. He believes they need freetime too, no matter how much they love their job.

Eren is not sure if Levi knows about it, but considering the close nature of his and Hange’s friendship he’ll wager the captain at least has a clue of the freedom Hange will sometimes give Eren. But still, he’s also unsure since Levi has actually never been present during any of those times, nor has he ever mentioned it.

Eren shakes himself slightly, straightening his back with the decision to just not think about it. He needs to calm his mind, thinking of his captain isn’t the key to that right now.

He squares his shoulders and starts walking, slowly and quietly, further away from where he’d come without actually leaving the grove. He’s careful not to brush too harshly against any trees, afraid he might break them.

Eventually he reaches a more open spot, just by the edge of the cluster of trees, that gives him a clear view of the open, green landscape. When he sits down, careful not just drop down and make the earth shake with his weight, most trees around him are still tall enough to at least reach the top of his head, isolating him somewhat. He finds this fact calming, which is part of the reason why he’s taken a liking to this particular place whenever he might have been around here training with Major Hange.

Another reason is the beautiful view. He can never truly get enough of the landscape within the walls outside of the districts. He distinctly remembers when he and Mikasa would head out of Shiganshina district to collect wood (And sometimes flowers, on Eren’s part—for his mother. He really liked the flowers, and he really liked how happy it made his mother whenever she could decorate the house with a little more colour.) and loving it simply because of the view. It was like a small part of _really_ being outside the walls, for him, and it only served to make him more entranced by the idea of the _outside._ The open landscapes, the forests and the colours did him good, and he never really stopped worshipping the mere thought of something bigger, more colourful than the dirty, gray districts they were confined in.

Sitting there alone, in his Titan form, listening to the innocently chirping birds and the occasional breeze rustling the trees, eyes roaming the land before him, he feels completely relaxed. It’s ironic, considering he’s assumed the form of a being made for killing, and the first time he transformed into his Titan he wasn’t even conscious of it and was going berserk.

He doesn’t know for how long he’s sat there in his Titan form, cross-legged and mostly unmoving when he hears the unmistakable sound of a 3D Maneuver Gear and a pair of feet landing on the ground behind him. He immediately tenses up and feels his stomach dropping, reality catching up to him.

“You’re supposed to be under my supervision at all times, you know.” Corporal Levi. Eren doesn’t turn around, feeling bashful and embarrassed suddenly, and he hears the impatient tapping of a foot at his lack of response. He doesn’t even have to look to know the older man is frowning with hands on his hips.

Levi continues, voice loud and clear, “ _Especially_ if you’re gonna turn into a titan.” He walks around Eren’s still unmoving body, stopping right in front of one of his folded knees and peers up at him expectantly, “So what the hell do you think you’re doing, brat?”

Eren hunches his shoulders and hangs his head slightly, strands of hair falling over his face and keeping Levi from watching him so intently. He feels ashamed and ridiculous for just having ran away—in the middle of a discussion on what their next move should be, no less. _The Corporal must think of me as utterly pathetic now…_

“Oi. Eren.” The voice is slightly softer now, and then there’s an insistent tapping on his knee. The surprise from the sensation is enough for Eren to turn his head up and stare at Levi, who apparently is kicking at him with the tip of his boot. That’s usually not how people would get his attention when he’s in this form; they’d all prefer not touching him. In fact, most people avoid direct contact with him at most times, nowadays. Even in his human form.

Not Armin and Mikasa, of course, but they’re always the exception.

Upon seeing Eren’s full attention directed at him Levi stops his insistent kicking, frowning up at the Titan. He then raises his hand and beckons at him.

“Extend your hand.”

Now Eren’s really confused, but of course unable to disobey direct orders, so he lifts his right hand from his lap and extends it slowly, halting the motion what he deems to be a safe distance away from the captain. However, Levi himself doesn’t seem to agree. His eyebrows furrow and his lips curl in disapproval. “What the fuck are you doing? Give me your hand, you shit-for-brains giant. What the hell do you think I’m gonna do?”

Honestly, Eren has no clue, but with Levi’s face looking like that he could almost guess the older man would go for removing some of his fingers.

He moves his hand closer to Levi anyway, giant fingers almost touching the captain’s midriff now. Levi sighs and Eren has no idea what he’d done wrong this time.

“Do you get off on making me bark out every little instruction to you or are you just genuinely an idiot? Palm _up_ , Eren.”

Oh. _Oh._

Now he understands what the captain wants. Which, honestly, doesn’t help matters at all. Said knowledge only serves to make him about ten times more nervous. Levi’s never asked to be lifted up before, nor has he ever expressed any desire in doing so, much unlike Major Hange.

Eren’s hand twitches, but other than that he doesn’t move a muscle; he only keeps staring at Levi, contemplating whether he wants to lift him up or not. He’s afraid to mess up.

Levi somehow seems to notice Eren’s anxiety and hesitation because he takes a step forward, closer to Eren’s hand, and then nudges it with his knee. There’s no semblance of fear or carefulness in the action; he looks at and touches Eren as freely and fearlessly as he would any other time, when Eren’s in his human form. It’s not exactly new to Eren, Levi’s lack of fear around him unlike the others. He proved right from the start that he isn’t afraid of Eren no matter what form he takes on, and doesn’t think him as any less human despite his sometimes additional 14 metres in height and his steam breath.

Still, the small gestures, like the time with the spoon and this, never fail to make Eren’s heart skip a beat and make him feel less like a monster.

“Look, this isn’t an evaluation, kid, or some sort of test. If you fuck up I assure you I can handle myself,” he knocks on his 3DMG with his knuckles in emphasis, “I just need you to let me up, alright?”

There’s a moment’s pause, Eren still hesitating despite Levi successfully having calmed his nerves somewhat, and Levi still looking up at him. After a few seconds of just staring at each other Eren eventually complies, turning his hand so that his palm is open for Levi, and the older man doesn’t miss a beat. He steps into the palm and motions for Eren to give him his fingers to hold onto, and Eren does as told as he moves his hand closer to his face, unsure of where to bring the older man.

“Eren, I don’t want your stinky breath all over me. Just put me on your shoulder.”

Eren does, but tenses up even more once Levi’s hopped onto his shoulder.

Apparently that doesn’t go unnoticed either, because Levi then grabs a fistful of his hair and tugs at it pointedly. “Relax, kid, I’m not a fucking rag doll. I know how to take care of myself; how do you think I survived for this long?”

Eren glances at Levi out of the corner of his eye, not daring to turn his head just yet. But he does give a nod, one that Levi returns. “Good.”

After that Levi uses Eren’s hair to drop onto his butt on the broad shoulder, legs dangling by the Titan’s collarbone. The more Eren gets used to the additional, albeit light, weight on his left shoulder the more he relaxes.

“You know, if you were out to hide I can assure you that assuming the form of a huge, filthy fucking giant is not the best way to go at it. I could spot you as soon as I rounded the castle.”

Eren laughs, but in this form it just comes out as an animalistic snort. He wants to point out that Levi happens to be Humanity’s Strongest Soldier and that his skills _are_ a little bit above than the rest, after all.

“And sitting down sure as hell doesn’t really help your cause, either.”

Eren rolls his left shoulder slightly, enough for Levi to fumble for his balance for a second. Once he regains it he tugs at Eren’s hair, grumbling out a, “shitty brat.” Eren feels a snicker bubble up in his throat. Now that it’s clear Levi hasn’t come to give him a scolding he immediately feels better. Truth be told, in most cases, Levi’s presence only serves to calm Eren. He makes him feel safe and validated, and even though he’d headed out here to be alone he’s grateful for the other man’s presence now.

They sit in silence for a while, Eren’s eyes back to roaming over the landscape and he can only guess Levi’s are doing the same. He knows that the corporal came out here for more than just to supervise Eren and give him a piece of his mind, but he can’t find it within himself to feel anxious about what Levi is preparing to say. He feels like he doesn’t have to be.

Eren gets so caught up in listening to the birds chirping and the complete calm of his mind that he has no idea how much time has passed when Levi tugs at his hair again to get his attention.

“Hey.”

Eren turns his head slightly to the side, indicating that he’s listening.

Levi is quiet for a moment, and through his periphery Eren regards his face, tensed up in concentration. If he didn’t know the Corporal any better he’d think he was angry, what with his pinched eyebrows and the hardened expression. He’s staring at nothing in particular, but suddenly he climbs to his feet on Eren’s shoulder.

“I dislike you being in this form because I have to do all the talking,” he mutters, and motions for Eren to bring his hand up. “Fuck knows you’re the one who’s good at this shit, not me. Sometimes you can never shut the hell up.”

He steps into Eren’s palm again and holds onto his finger as he gestures for the Titan to hold the hand in front of his face. Eren, on the other hand, feels concerned about causing his captain too much discomfort. Feeling the need to accommodate him better, he gestures with his free hand to his nape, tapping it with his finger all while staring intently at Levi, hoping he understands his suggestion.

Levi frowns at him. “No, you shit, that’s not what I meant. I’m an adult, I’m going to have to speak when I damn well need to no matter how bad I am at it. I’m not going to force you out of there when you—” He cuts himself off, sighing.

His hold on Eren’s finger tightens and the younger boy can feel his heart beating faster.

“Whatever. I just believe you might deserve someone else do the talking for once.” If Eren could look surprised, he would; he had not been expecting those words from Levi’s mouth. Sure, he’d always kind of known Levi understands most things despite never saying anything, but like he’s pointing out, he’s bad with words. Eren would never really have expected him to say something like that.

Levi takes another moment to choose his words, and Eren’s heart doesn’t seem to be calming down anytime soon. He feels warmer, all of a sudden, in anticipation and from how important it seems to be to Levi that he gets it right.

Eventually he sighs again, and rubs at his neck before looking back at Eren, face wearing the same stoic expression. “Look, kid, I don’t get the whole trans thing much, but if it ever gets bad like this again, you come to me, understand?” Levi’s eyes are piercing, drilling his words into Eren’s head, “Or Shitty Glasses, fuck knows they’re better at this than I am and I bet they go fucking ballistic with joy everytime you want to turn. I’m pretty shit at this in every aspect.” Levi is actively frowning now, looking genuinely irritated and the expression along with his words makes Eren quick to shake his head frantically. He’s frustrated to realise that he can’t convey just how much help Levi’s mere presence provides, but he hopes he gets some of it across.

Levi squints at him suspiciously, clearly not agreeing with Eren’s eager headshaking. “Whatever, I don’t really care who you go to. As long as you find a superior with whom you’re comfortable who can look after you, or you tell them where you are. Be it Four-Eyes or me, I don’t care. It’s just important that you’re supervised, both for your own protection and for ours. No matter how much we’d like to leave you completely alone, we only get to keep you under the condition that you never are.”

Eren nods, and despite knowing he’d always choose Levi first every time he makes sure not to do anything that would reveal it. His heart’s still pounding, and Levi is just staring at him, making him feel restless and uncomfortably warm, which is impressive considering his body temperature in this form is already quite high. He’s not sure whether Levi is finished and wants something from him, but the thought makes him nervous because he has no idea what it could be. He’s still frowning, but not as hard, and his eyes are searching. Eren wonders somewhere in the back of his mind as he stares back if something’s about to happen.

The thick tension that had built up rapidly is broken by Levi and his eloquent self.

“Are you even fucking capable of making any human expression with that face or does it only serve to make you look stupid?” he demands suddenly, and Eren blinks. Then he tries to twist his face into some form of smile, eyes closing and cheeks twitching. It’s slightly problematic without a real mouth and the lack of lips, however.

It must be clear in his face, too, because Levi’s nose scrunches up. “It only serves to make you look stupid, then. Thanks for helping me figure that out by making that ugly mug of yours even uglier. Now get me back on your shoulder.”

Eren does as told, immensely amused. The weight of his captain on his shoulder doesn’t make him tense up like it had last time, this time the weight is nothing short of comforting. He’s grateful he doesn’t have to be alone, and that Levi cares enough to come out here and use his words like this only for Eren’s sake.

The captain doesn’t sit down this time, only crosses his arms and looks as bored as usual. A few minutes later he speaks again, surprising Eren with how much he truly seems to have to say at this time.

“Say, Eren,” he murmurs slowly this time, brushing off imaginary dirt (or, knowing Levi, it might just be real) from his jacket, “are you angry with me?”

Eren turns his head and frowns at Levi, and this expression he can actually pull off. He remembers the last time Levi had asked him the exact same question, and it had a familiar tone to the one he has now. Flat, and yet it’s impossible for Eren not to detect the hint of remorse. However, this time, he has no idea why the captain is asking him this.

Levi promptly doesn’t look back at him as he continues. “The only reason you felt like you had to get out here and go as far as _turning_ is because I ordered you not to bind.”

Eren starts to shake his head, desperately not wanting Levi blaming himself, but is ignored when the captain continues.

“Eren, I’m… sorry. You are a part of my squad, someone I personally requested to be under my care, so your well-being is my responsibility if you’re incapable of handling it yourself. If you’re hurting yourself, it could mean danger for the entire squad. When I saw you hurting to that extent, and knowing it could be prevented, I had to do something. Do you understand?”

Eren desperately wants to get out of his Titan now, desperately wants to be capable of using his words to assure Levi that it’s okay, that he understands and he doesn’t blame Levi. He’s just grateful he’s here _now_ , going all these lengths to make Eren feel better. Not that the captain would necessarily believe him or take his words for what they are—it’s likely he’d just brush them off because he thinks they’re born out of respect; respect for his captain, respect for someone who’s older, respect for _Humanity’s Strongest_.

No matter how wrong those assumptions are, Eren has never quite found the chance to let Levi know. Countless of times Eren has wanted to tell Levi that no, it’s not because of any of those titles Levi might bear, it’s not out of respect. It’s because it’s _Levi_ , because Levi is immensely important to Eren, and it’s important that he knows it. It’s important that Levi knows he’s more to Eren than all those things.

He wants to strip Levi of the guilt he’s radiating.

However he knows he can’t just get out now, and he merely opts for nodding solemnly, fingers fidgeting in his lap restlessly. Levi glances at them but doesn’t address it, even though he must have an idea of the distress Eren is in.

“However, I realise this decision is taking a psychological toll on you instead, and I—” He cuts off, then after a moment’s pause he heaves such a huge sigh it makes Eren stiffen.

“Look, shitface, you matter, alright? And it grates on my nerves to see you hurting—both physically and mentally. So I can’t stress enough how important it is that you find someone you’re comfortable with if this happens again. Your mental health is important too, so let us fucking help. I don’t get why you think you have to do this alone.”

Levi exhales when he’s done, then scoffs. “Fucking making me come all the way out here to get this through your thick skull because you’re too thickheaded to understand it yourself. Do I have to spell everything out for you?”

Eren blinks, taken aback by the sudden, long string of words having left Levi’s mouth in such an aggressive, yet frustrated manner all at once. It didn’t suit his actual words which is quite amusing and to Eren it could even go so far as to be endearing. It’s almost like his captain is feeling awkward.

A familiar warmth swells in Eren’s chest when he mulls over what his captain had said, and he’s happy he can’t visibly blush at this point. Levi probably didn’t mean anything by it, but it still manages to make Eren feel pathetically fuzzy inside. And if he hadn’t felt safe before, he definitely does now.

Looking at a grumbling Levi out of the corner of his eye Eren gets the urge to reach up to him and— do what? Hug him with his hand? Eren snorts. His hands aren’t fidgeting anymore, but they do twitch with the desire to do _something_. 

At this moment though, Levi finally chooses to look up and meet his eyes. “Got it?”

Eren nods this time, but inwardly he’s absolutely _beaming_.

“Good,” Levi says roughly.

Eren, feeling ridiculously giddy, experimentally raises his right hand and carefully pokes a finger into Levi’s stomach, making him have to take half a step back. He glares at the Titan. “What’re you trying to achieve, brat?”

Not detecting any real bite to his captain’s voice Eren does it again, and before Levi manages to kick the finger away he’s raised it further to pat Levi on the head. And that’s what does it.

“Don’t patronise me, you filthy little shit,” Levi snaps, face painted with distaste as he swats Eren’s finger away, “Your fingers could have been prodding your titan ass crack for all I know. Get off me.”

Eren does as told, too amused to feel insulted by the outrageous assumption, still staring at Levi who squints up at him after having adjusted his clothes.

“I can see your ugly-ass grin through that stupid titan mug of yours,” he remarks dryly, and again Eren can hear that his captain isn’t seriously angry. “I have my blades with me if you feel like provoking me further.”

At that, Eren reluctantly tears his gaze away from the man on his shoulder and huffs.

Levi hums. “Thought so.” There’s a pause in which the amusement Eren had felt starts wearing off and silence falls over them before Levi speaks again. “For how long do you wish to stay? Signalise when you want to be cut out of there.”

Truth is, Eren doesn’t have any more overwhelming desire to stay in his Titan at the moment, but he also doesn’t wish to leave. He wants to get out of his Titan to properly spend some time with Levi, no matter how weird that may be, but he’s afraid getting out will mean they have to head back.

But after five minutes of pondering Eren sighs and leans forward, hanging his head pointedly and baring his nape. He watches Levi through his peripheral vision, and the captain only seems to consider Eren’s actions for a moment before it clicks. Gear triggers already in hand, he leaps off the shoulder and lets a hook shoot out and grapple onto the back of Eren’s other shoulder, landing gracefully with his feet planted just underneath his nape. The other hook digs into Eren’s other shoulder immediately after Levi’s both feet have landed. Eren can feel it, but it doesn’t hurt. He hears Levi attach two blades to the gear triggers and pulls them out, the sliding of metal against metal appearing as searingly loud in the quiet environment.

Eren closes his eyes and hears rather than feels the smooth tearing of his flesh, and readies himself for the strange, disorienting sensation caused by the separation from his Titan body. At one point it’s like half of him is still sitting on the ground and the other half is being pulled from steaming goo. Soon enough, all he’s aware of is the feeling two strong arms around his chest, pressing him securely to a toned and firm torso. This is when he opens his eyes, blinking through his swimming vision and the dizziness. 

“Eren.”

Eren exhales, trying to adjust to being back to _this body_ again, and in the midst his disorientation he raises one arm and rests it on top of Levi’s. It’s grounding and he feels better, so he nods.

He can feel the soft puffs of air from Levi breathing against his neck on their way down, and he isn’t sure if he imagines the way Levi’s arm around him tightens when Eren brushes his fingers over his hand.

When they softly land on the ground the Titan body has started to evaporate, the smoking remains of it still in the same position Eren had left it, hot steam rising to the sky. Eren doesn’t want to let go of the safe warmth that is Levi’s body wrapped around his, but knows that he has to. Levi’s arm lingers a little longer than necessary, making Eren’s heart jump, before he lets it fall and steps back. Eren takes a couple of deep breaths to gather himself and turns around, facing Levi who’s already got his handkerchief out and is cleaning his gear.

“I don’t want to leave just yet,” Eren declares, voice soft and just shy of gravelly, as though he’s just woken up.

Levi pauses and looks up, studying the other’s face. “Okay.”

“Th-then you’ll stay with me?”

Realistically Eren knows he will; he has to, after all. But that’s not quite what Eren feels like he’s asking, and judging by the twitch in Levi’s eyebrows, he suspects the other man understands that.

“Yes, brat, of course I’ll stay.” _Of course_.

And there’s that warm feeling again, making Eren want to step forward and pull Levi into an embrace and bury his face in his shoulder.

He must have a look on his face because Levi furrows his eyebrows suspiciously. “What?”

Hurriedly Eren shakes his head. “Nothing, sir!”

Then he turns on his heel and walks past his Titan form which is mostly just steaming bones by now, and promptly sits down in front of it. Despite the lack of height now, he can still get a pretty good view of the landscape.

It’s not long before Levi joins him, hesitating only a moment before sitting down next to him. He leans back, one knee bent with a foot planted flat on the ground. Eren thinks, certainly not for the first time, that he’s one of the most beautiful sights he’s seen.

Eren hadn’t even noticed his own staring before the subject of it himself breaks the silence. “The sun will set in about an hour. We have to be back by then.”

Eren looks around, and true enough, it has started to dim significantly. A warm, orange colour has blanketed the lands and makes it all seem even more calm, like bloodthirsty titans aren’t roaming the lands looking for humans to eat at this very moment. It’s uncharacteristically beautiful, and Eren barely dares to glance at Levi to see how well he truly appears to fit in such a setting, despite the general assumptions of him merely being an emotionless, cold-blooded titanslayer.

However, being someone who’s driven much by emotion Eren eventually does glance over, and makes sure to properly take in all of Levi in this light, shoulders untaut for once and face softened. His black hair has taken on a soft, warm glow and has Eren’s fingers twitching with the ache to touch. His whole body language is more relaxed than Eren has ever seen it, and Eren can’t help but find it breathtaking. His stomach jolts with the realisation that he’s probably one of the few who has ever seen Levi so relaxed. 

But Eren’s admiring doesn’t seem to have gone unnoticed, for Levi’s eyes suddenly snap to his, without him even turning his head. “What, Eren?”

This time Eren can’t possibly hide his blush— _damn not having the Titan face to hide behind—_ but he does avert his eyes and rubs his neck sheepishly.

“Nothing, sir, I just…” He turns his gaze to the land before him, thinking of all the things he wants to tell the captain. “Thank you. For your support, and for coming out here to… to help. It means a lot.”

Levi nods curtly. “Glad I could be of assistance.”

His voice sounds so professional Eren immediately backtracks, desperate to bring out the Levi who had been talking to him not more than fifteen minutes earlier. “Not— Not because you’re my superior, or anything. I mean—” Levi is staring at him, and Eren’s clutches at his thighs. “It means a lot that you want to help because… b-because you’re more than that, sir.”

Levi’s whole face twitches, and Eren panics. Did he fuck up? 

But then Levi only turns his head away, forward, and says, “Levi.”

“What?”

“Nobody’s around. You can call me Levi.”

His voice is low, stripped of the professional edge it had been laced with moments ago, and Eren relaxes. He exhales the captain’s name in acknowledgement, trying it out on his tongue without any of the rank titles attached to it. It feels nice.

Eren knows he will be okay. In the moments of anxiety his judgement and voice of reason is clouded, but Levi’s reassuring words helped bring them back into clarity. With his friends’ help he knows it’s going to be alright. Levi takes him seriously, knows him for what he is and isn’t judging his coping mechanisms. He seems to understand them more than anyone, and for that Eren is grateful. 

When they are finally getting up to leave, probably a bit later than they should have, Levi plants his feet in front of Eren and, to the boy’s surprise, starts adjusting his clothes. The disapproving frown on the captain’s face isn’t surprising, but the thorough care Levi puts into hiding any potential evidence that Eren has turned _is_. So is how gentle Levi’s hands are when they are moving his clothes around, something you’d expect him to do as roughly as he gives orders. But he’s careful, and the few times his calloused fingers brush against Eren’s skin it’s also with a gentle edge to it. It all takes Eren aback, but he welcomes it. He doesn’t know if it’s in Levi’s nature to be gentle with people when he can be relax and be himself, or if it’s only Eren. It doesn’t really matter, but Eren likes this Levi. 

He likes him alot, and so he can’t suppress the smile that creeps up on his face from Levi’s fussing, one that is probably too tender for Levi to appreciate, but it’s genuine. He can’t help it. Nor can he help the colour rising in his cheeks.

“Th-thanks,” he murmurs, and straightens up once Levi has gone over his collar for the last time.

Levi steps back and looks up from his work, nodding at first but then almost immediately narrows his eyes when spotting the smile. He turns to collect his 3DMG as he says, “Wipe that grin off your face, brat, and tell me when we’ll be seeing each other tomorrow.”

“What?” The stupid word tumbles out without permission from Eren’s shocked self.

Levi finishes strapping on his gear and turns back to him, expression flat. “Tomorrow. When do you want to head out again?”

Eren gapes, obviously remembering Levi’s earlier offer when he’d told Eren to come to him or Hange if things went bad, but he never would have expected Levi himself to take that initiative.

Levi starts getting impatient from Eren’s silence, and probably from how much he looks like a fish, because his eyebrows are furrowing and his mouth is curling downward.

“Look, there’s no way in hell I am risking you running about turning unexpectedly and without supervision. We might as well make this part of our habit as much as we can. I can have Erwin adjust my schedule somewhat, at least for a day. Then you, me and Hange can set up a proper schedule. Sound good?”

Eren’s hands are trembling and his eyes are suddenly burning. He feels hot and cold all over, scared to death that with all of these big changes he might be inconveniencing everyone further and indirectly be putting them in danger. He’s Humanity’s Last Hope; he can’t be a liability. 

“Eren.”

“You’re all busy enough as it is,” Eren blurts out, clenching his fists. His gaze has dropped to the ground. “There’s so much at stake here, it’s impossible to just save some time because I— because _I_ —“

“Because you have difficulties that aren’t revolving around all of this life or death shit we’re dealing with everyday?” Levi cuts off Eren’s to-be stuttering half-sentence—which is probably for the best. “We all do. And if those difficulties are actually something people who care for you can help with, even a little, that’s fucking great and we shouldn’t brush it off. It’s not wasting our shitty time, okay? You’re fucking important, how many times to I have to say it?”

Eren exhales and closes his eyes for a moment, dreading that he might actually start to cry. Slowly he relaxes his fists and eventually he nods. Even if he’s struggling with seeing how he can be important for anything else other than being humanity’s trump card, he’s trying to hear what Levi is telling him. He’s trying to accept the help he’s being offered that he has such difficulty believing he deserves.

“... Around the same time?” he suggests eventually, glancing up at a stoic Levi through his hair.

Apparently this displeases the captain, because his eyebrows twitch just so and he flicks a tuft of Eren’s hair with his fingers.

“You need to fix your hair, brat,” he reprimands, scoffing as he pulls at the brown tufts, studying and clearly judging it. “Tch. Who did this?”

“Uh… Mikasa?” answers Eren, unsure whether it had been a rhetorical question or not. But Levi just makes a displeased sound and lets go of the uneven hair with one step back.

“Not anymore she isn’t. I can’t stand to look at you when your excuse for hair looks like that.”

With that Levi turns on his heel and starts walking back toward the castle, making Eren have to catch himself quickly and jog to keep up.

“Uh… What’s that supposed to mean, Corporal?” he inquires tentatively, deliberately going back to using formal titles now that they’re heading back. Levi doesn’t even spare him a glance.

“It means we’ll be seeing each other earlier tomorrow to fix that stupid mop-head of yours so I will be able to stand being around you for the rest of the evening.”

“But, sir, I’m going to be in my Titan and does my Titan not have evenly cut hair?”

Levi’s eyes immediately snap to Eren and he glares.

“Don’t test me, brat, or I will knock you out, shave all your hair off and stuff it down your throat. I will be glad to do the same with your filthy titan hair too, if you like.”

Eren raises his hands quickly in a pacifying gesture, and doesn’t let his lips twitch into a small smile until Levi is looking forward again. He’s sure Levi can still see it though, but if so the older man doesn’t mention it.

Despite of not having answered Eren’s suggestion of a time the next day, the boy knows Levi has agreed. He wonders if Levi would have agreed to any time that Eren would have suggested. He’s got no doubt Levi has the authority to change his schedule almost however he likes, but Eren’s wondering whether he _would_. It seems unlikely to Eren that Humanity’s Strongest would accommodate a petty being like Eren, squad member or no, and yet, something about Levi this evening begs to differ. And it sets off wave after wave of hot butterflies inside Eren’s stomach.

When Levi is leaving Eren in his cell for the night, his fingers seem to move slower than usual whilst locking it. It’s strange, but either way Eren is grateful because it gives him time to work up to expressing his gratitude to Levi.

“Levi,” he starts, abruptly stopping himself to think of how he should continue. Levi looks up through the cell bars, face as per usual void of any emotion, but even so it lacks the professional mask he usually wears, which means Eren’s way of addressing him had proven effective. 

Eren is staring right into gray irises, inhaling and gulping down air in his sudden lack of knowing what to say.

Levi raises an eyebrow in question, and the gesture pulls Eren out of his daze. He clears his throat.

“Levi,” he starts again, but this time continuing before he gets distracted, “I wanted to thank you again for your support today. I don’t think you truly understand how much you actually helped by just… doing and saying what you did. It’s nice to know you’re taking me seriously, and all…”

Levi nods, not a single thing in his face suggesting mockery or disrespect.

“I’m glad,” he says, voice surprisingly soft even if his expression isn’t changing at all. But Eren can hear that he’s genuine. Right then Levi lets go of the lock he’d apparently been finished with for a while, and steps back. Suddenly Eren remembers where he is and that he’s about to be left alone in this cell again for the night. The reminder gives Eren the strong urge to reach out for Levi as the distance between them increases, but the next words out of the other’s mouth hold so much weight that it leaves Eren strangely calm and hopeful, and his desperation vanishes;

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Eren.”

**Author's Note:**

> talk abt your trans headcanons with me over at www.madtransscientist.tumblr.com you are all gr9
> 
> also you're all free to interpret this eren/levi interaction however you want, it could be literally anything and u go (but i do ship them romantically lmao so of course that is why eren is obviously crushing on levi here bc real)


End file.
